Motivational absurdity

For that day when I step back into my own office...I’ll sling some of these on the walls…and forward a morning quote to the rest of the office slaves...Yes I do agree , my unquestionably lack of moral fibre prevailsl...

Random Morning quotes :

By George Carlin (RIP 23-06-2008):

Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.

Honesty may be the best policy, but it’s important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy.

Religion has convinced people that there’s an invisible man…living in the sky, who watches everything you do every minute of every day. And the invisible man has a list of ten specific things he doesn’t want you to do. And if you do any of these things, he will send you to a special place, of burning and fire and smoke and torture and anguish for you to live forever, and suffer and burn and scream until the end of time. But he loves you. He loves you ...and he NEEDS MONEY!!!

Once you leave the womb, conservatives don’t care about you until you reach military age. Then you’re just what they’re looking for. Conservatives want live babies so they can raise them to be dead soldiers.

The planet is fine. The people are *****.

Atheism is a non-profit organization

You can prick your finger ... Just don't finger your prick.

How can He be perfect? Everything He ever makes...dies.(On God)

As it stands right now, I lead Richard Pryor in heart attacks, two to one. However, Richard still leads me, one to nothing, in burning yourself up.(after his second heart attack, 1982)

If crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight?

Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do 'practice'?

The reason they call it the American Dream is because you have to be asleep to believe it.

A couple more worth forwarding:

A bore is a man who, when you ask him how he is, tells you - Bert Leston Taylor

The nice part about being a pessimist is that you are constantly being either proven right or pleasantly surprised - George F. Will

If today gets any slower, time will start to go backwards. Dogs will unbark and rain will go up. It's gonna be awesome - WWTDD

An adventure is only an inconvenience rightly considered. An inconvenience is an adventure wrongly considered - G. K. Chesterton

I have learned to use the word 'impossible' with the greatest caution - Wernher von Braun

A little nonsense now and then, is relished by the wisest men - Anonymous

The more things a man is ashamed of, the more respectable he is - George Bernard Shaw

The place where optimism most flourishes is the lunatic asylum - Havelock Ellis

It is possible to store the mind with a million facts and still be entirely uneducated - Alec Bourne

To punish me for my contempt for authority, fate made me an authority myself - Albert Einstein

As far as the laws of mathematics refer to reality, they are not certain; and as far as they are certain, they do not refer to reality - Albert Einstein

We seem to believe it is possible to ward off death by following rules of good grooming - Don Delillo

The trouble with the rat race is that even if you win, you're still a rat - Lily Tomlin

Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is handy - Groucho Marx

Life's too short for traffic - Mike Stopforth

10 percent of all humans ever born are alive today - bbc knowledge fact

Play: Work that you enjoy doing for nothing.