Surreal banter in celebration of René François Ghislain Magritte

Since it's René Magritte's birthday today thank you google , I thought it be best to end this ludicrous week on a high with one liners received from the man down under...thanks Dylan !

I realised I was dyslexic when I went to a toga party dressed as a goat.

Cats have nine lives. Which makes them ideal for experimentation.

The right to bear arms is slightly less ludicrous than the right to arm bears.

My dad is Irish and my mum is Iranian, which meant that we spent most of our family holidays in Customs.

The dodo died. Then Dodi died, Di died and Dando died... Dido must be sh***ing herself.

My parents are from Glasgow which means they're incredibly hard, but I was never smacked as a child ... well maybe one or two grams to get me to sleep at night.

Is it fair to say that there'd be less litter in Britain if blind people were given pointed sticks?

You have to remember all the trivia that your girlfriend tells you, because eventually you get tested. She'll go: "What's my favourite flower?"And you murmur to yourself: "Sh*t, I wasn't listening ..Self-raising?"

The world is a dangerous place; only yesterday I went into Boots and punched someone in the face.

I saw that show, 50 Things To Do Before You Die. I would have thought the obvious one was "Shout For Help".

Employee of the month is a good example of how somebody can be both a winner and a loser at the same time.

A dog goes into a hardware store and says: "I'd like a job please".The hardware store owner says: "We don't hire dogs, why don't you go join the circus?" The dog replies: "What would the circus want with a plumber".

I like to go into the Body Shop and shout out really loud "I've already got one!"

It's easy to distract fat people. It's a piece of cake.

I enjoy using the comedy technique of self-deprecation - but I'm not very good at it.

If you're being chased by a police dog, try not to go through a tunnel,then on to a little seesaw, then jump through a hoop of fire. They're trained for that.

Motivational absurdity

For that day when I step back into my own office...I’ll sling some of these on the walls…and forward a morning quote to the rest of the office slaves...Yes I do agree , my unquestionably lack of moral fibre prevailsl...

Random Morning quotes :

By George Carlin (RIP 23-06-2008):

Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.

Honesty may be the best policy, but it’s important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy.

Religion has convinced people that there’s an invisible man…living in the sky, who watches everything you do every minute of every day. And the invisible man has a list of ten specific things he doesn’t want you to do. And if you do any of these things, he will send you to a special place, of burning and fire and smoke and torture and anguish for you to live forever, and suffer and burn and scream until the end of time. But he loves you. He loves you ...and he NEEDS MONEY!!!

Once you leave the womb, conservatives don’t care about you until you reach military age. Then you’re just what they’re looking for. Conservatives want live babies so they can raise them to be dead soldiers.

The planet is fine. The people are *****.

Atheism is a non-profit organization

You can prick your finger ... Just don't finger your prick.

How can He be perfect? Everything He ever makes...dies.(On God)

As it stands right now, I lead Richard Pryor in heart attacks, two to one. However, Richard still leads me, one to nothing, in burning yourself up.(after his second heart attack, 1982)

If crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight?

Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do 'practice'?

The reason they call it the American Dream is because you have to be asleep to believe it.

A couple more worth forwarding:

A bore is a man who, when you ask him how he is, tells you - Bert Leston Taylor

The nice part about being a pessimist is that you are constantly being either proven right or pleasantly surprised - George F. Will

If today gets any slower, time will start to go backwards. Dogs will unbark and rain will go up. It's gonna be awesome - WWTDD

An adventure is only an inconvenience rightly considered. An inconvenience is an adventure wrongly considered - G. K. Chesterton

I have learned to use the word 'impossible' with the greatest caution - Wernher von Braun

A little nonsense now and then, is relished by the wisest men - Anonymous

The more things a man is ashamed of, the more respectable he is - George Bernard Shaw

The place where optimism most flourishes is the lunatic asylum - Havelock Ellis

It is possible to store the mind with a million facts and still be entirely uneducated - Alec Bourne

To punish me for my contempt for authority, fate made me an authority myself - Albert Einstein

As far as the laws of mathematics refer to reality, they are not certain; and as far as they are certain, they do not refer to reality - Albert Einstein

We seem to believe it is possible to ward off death by following rules of good grooming - Don Delillo

The trouble with the rat race is that even if you win, you're still a rat - Lily Tomlin

Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is handy - Groucho Marx

Life's too short for traffic - Mike Stopforth

10 percent of all humans ever born are alive today - bbc knowledge fact

Play: Work that you enjoy doing for nothing.

The Rapture Index – THE END IS NEAR

Blindness has become so acute that Rapture Ready gets spiked hits of 50 000 per day. The presidential season is once again awash in global anxiety. Some Web sites and conservative Christians have tried to argue that Obama could be the foretold Antichrist - Original article from the Salt Lake Tribune

It is truly amazing how the world is changing and infected at such a ridiculous tempo. All very entertaining and I ponder the thoughts of the bemused.

For eons, Christians have believed the world is hurling toward oblivion. But with the current economic downturn, the war in Iraq and the likely election of Barack Obama, many think it has picked up speed.

Todd Strandberg , founder and editor of raptureready.com, the largest Christian prophecy site on the Internet, spends his days linking current events with biblical passages. He created a Rapture Index, modeled after the Dow Jones Industrial Average, which consists of 45 categories of prophetic indicators from the occult to inflation and the crime rate. Each is assigned a value of one to five depending on the level of activity in that category. The numbers are adjusted weekly, and the higher the number, the faster the world is moving toward its end

Bemused moments :

One leader around 200 A.D. predicted Jesus was coming the next year so his followers halted all planting, Landes says. About 16 centuries later, a similar prediction meant the Millerites didn't harvest their crops. Both groups starved, says Landes, editor of The Encyclopedia of Millennialism and Millennial Movements. "It was by and large self-destructive."

I find all this a bit too much – seems that the time is seasoned for investment in a dogma related money making scheme …ca-ching !